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TearCatcher8
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Name: Sarah, Chizz, Rara
Gender: Female
Interests: Art, sports, fun in the sun, nail polish, shopping, painting, xbox, church, Faith, the Bible, rock climbing, rock, Jesus Christ, MUSIC..and more.
Expertise: Jesus freak! I may be strange, but I'll never change!
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Art
Message: message me
AIM:  CrimsonCadillac8
Member Since:
6/5/2005
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| i didn't care that you left and abandon me
what hurts more is that i would still die for you.
leave it upto me to burden you again
this one's not your fault
so forget so forget so forget me..
humble thanksgiving?
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| isnt life strange?
aren't you just sick of it?
it's so hard to write anything today. I feel like everything around me is crashing down hard. I have no control over anything today. i dont even want to get out of bed. i woke up this morning because i literally forgot to take a breath....it was a good feelings for some reason i have to say...it felt like i actually had control over something even if it was wether i take a breath or not, it was still some control.
Dear you whom i love,
i know you dont feel the same about me. it's hard for me not to think about you every moment of everyday. the thing that upsets me most right now is that you focus everything on my flaws, the bad in me, the negative and forget all the good things we've shared together. if i could go back and change things i wouldnt let myself fall for you so hard, but i would never regret being your friend. Never regret that i met you. I love you with all my heart and today my heart has shattered and pounds with blame for myself.
I'm afraid of getting over you. I dont want to. i cry when i think about not loving you. there's nothing to be done. you will do what you want and i am not wanted in your life. you say you dont want to hurt me, well it's too late. it's happend. i've hurt and been hurting. you tell me that you changed your mind and i have to just go along with whatever you mind tells you while on the side lines my heart breaks thinking about how much love i have for you and you have nothing.
The thing i hate more then anything is the way i cant dictate my own moods. it hurts to hit the bottom over and over, when all i want is you to love me. that's all. after all we've gone through i dont understand how you can just not care anymore.
love,
cared too much about someone who didnt care back | | |
| well, it came and went without sleeping in or staying up late.. I'm not sure what's wrong with me that i can't stay up late anymore and sure as hell cant sleep in for anything..the whole week i woke up at 7:45...? like what the heck i never get up that early..never. anyways. Spring break.. how was yours?  <haha me. last summer.
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| Today is Thursday...which means i have school at NP, but not today!! 'cause we have a sub in math class...and the sub is one of our Seniors..the principles daughter and i told my mom i'm not dealing with being taught by a pear so yeah, mom called me in "sick" haha yay! So this week..well, by next Thursday i have to make a decision about my life next year..kinda big, but not huge. it is giving me butterflies though. I realized today (yes, i know it took me a long time...) that my life is not full of isn't full of tragedy. I have a good family even if i don't always get along with them. I have a really amazing boyfriend that means so much to me and that i know will always be here for me. I have lost some friends, but i still have many great and amazing ones. 
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| Your Knife, My Back. I haven't updated this in like forever so yeah, but i'm in a really sad mood this morning/afternoon. Things are great on one side of my life and horrible on the other..there's just a lot of stuff that's really getting to me... first off...just having a lot of trouble trusting things that friends say to me...some say they'll always be there and they don't even say hi anymore. some that say they'll always be there for you and you end up being the one that calls while they make up excuses for being busy. i haven't talk talked to someone who i called my best friend for almost three weeks and we live like 5 minutes apart and used to talk every day..it's just sad. I told one of my actual friends that i'm tired of caring today (something i've said many times) and it just hit me..why do i care so much? is it because i really do want this relationship to work, but my grudge is too big to deal with it..or is it because i'm afraid of getting hurt if i try over and over again to make things work? who knows... it just seems like some people sounds like they have everything right in their xangas, myspaces, profiles....but they really don't' know the first thing about being a friend or having one..like okay i read about your relationships with God and that's awesome i'm glad for you, but when you have a friend that needs you and tells you that..would you just ignore that..and act like you know nothing about being a friend?
You have no clue how much it's hurting me. so here i am broken again and you, the one who acts like your so whole you have nothing to say. NOTHING. Honestly it makes me sick sometimes. I'm not looking for you sympathy. I don't need your sympathy. I just need you. Badly. | | |
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